A FUNNY OLD DIARY ENTRY

JJ set off the smoke detector while he was cooking dinner, and it continued to beep at 30 second intervals after the main round of beeping stopped. I got up on a chair and fiddled around with it/pressed the one button a bunch of times but it would not stop. HOW COULD SOMETHING POSSIBLY BE DESIGNED THIS WAY?  I thought to myself. This thought is always the thought I think to myself right before I lose my mind. (Also, JJ was listening to that retarded, poorly-recorded conspiracy podcast he loves. I've been meaning to talk to him about this--who listens to podcasts out loud while there are other people in the room?--but I couldn't bring it up because I knew I'd get disproportionately angry.) Finally, I got the thing off the ceiling and took it to my room. It continued to beep every 30 seconds as I watched a series of youtube videos about smoke detectors, which all had agonizingly long intros, prompting me to plead/yell CUT TO THE CHASE, ASSHOLE at my phone, and writhe around in my comforter in fury. And really, I had a point. You know I'm watching your video in an exasperated state, with a beeping smoke detector in my hand. I yelled some more. Maybe Sober October is a factor. All along, though, I knew there was a "nuclear option" that would end these torments in a satisfactory way, and of course that's the option I wound up going with. I marched it down to the basement and smashed it with a giant ax.

AN INTERVIEW WITH GRANDMIXER GMS ABOUT PACIFIC NORTHWEST RAP IN THE 80'S

I went to college in the Pacific Northwest, and I went to a Dilated Peoples concert and one "Hip-Hop Congress" meeting there, but I never really learned anything about Pacific Northwest rap until my first senior year, when I read a Cocaine Blunts post about it. Before then, the only Pacific Northwest rappers I could name were Phil Harmonic, Sir Mix-A-Lot and Blue Scholars. Isn't that lame? I was a rap nerd in college! The sad truth is, many people who have lived in the Pacific Northwest their entire lives would be hard-pressed to name five rappers from there. Many people not from the Pacific Northwest would be hard-pressed to name one. Try to name one I haven't mentioned yet. Ahhh I forgot about Macklemore. In any event, I'm not here to roast Pacific Northwest rap. I'm here to do the opposite.

Listen: it's easy and maybe even fun to paint Oregon and Washington as two big coffee shops full of hippie punk rockers who smoke DMT all day and listen to shitty electronic music but you know in your heart there's more to these places than that. If I can get serious for a second, you need to stop treating the world like a damn cartoon. That's the type of anti-intellectual horseshit that is ruining this country. It's time for you to learn and accept that some creative, high quality rap has been made in that corner of America, especially in the 80's. There was movement in those ferns.

Enter your teacher, {********HORNHORNHORN***********} GrandMixer GMS. He's the man who taught me everything I know about Pacific Northwest rap that I didn't learn from that Cocaine Blunts post, and today he is going to teach you. He hosts a show on KFOX's Nightbeat that you can hear here, and I know you're tired of this intro by now but let me just tell you this is one of the best possible people I could get to teach you about the subject of the rap scene in Seattle, Portland Tacoma and Spokane in the 80's. Are you ready?

NODF: Who is the first Pacific Northwest rapper you remember hearing?

GMS: The first Pacific Northwest rapper I remember hearing, aside from the people I knew around the neighborhood and in my network of friends, was Sir Mix-A-Lot. I first heard him on Seattle’s 1250 KFOX. DJ Nasty Nes played one of his songs on his show, KFOX Fresh Tracks. I believe the song was called “Why Do The Rappers Lie.” Over time I heard more songs from Sir Mix-A-Lot, but I also remember the Emerald Street Boys who did the intro for Fresh Tracks. However, the first Hip-Hop DJ’s I remember hearing were Nasty Nes (KFOX), Sir Mix-A-Lot (KFOX & mix tapes), Arnell Smith (KTOY – Tacoma), Reggie Reg Taylor (KTOY), and Spokane’s original mixtape King was a guy named Skeet (Paul Bradley, Jr.) (R.I.P.). Skeet was a very talented musician and DJ and I always heard his mixtapes from everyone. I had the honor of working with him in the late 80s. Sadly, he died in, I believe, the late 90’s while saving his daughter from drowning.

Were you guys listening to any Bay Area rappers in the 80s?

I didn’t really hear any Bay Area rappers until the mid-80s. The first one I remember hearing was Too Short.  However, I heard many mixes from the Bay Area back then from KSOL and then KMEL. The DJ mixing was the legendary Cameron Paul (R.I.P.). I was very impressed with the recordings I heard from Bay Area radio.

How did you get your music information? Were there any cool record stores or magazines you remember?

I received my music and Hip-Hop info from any source possible: MTV (back when they showed music videos), though they didn’t have Yo MTV Raps until much later, but I remember seeing Herbie Hancock perform with Grandmixer D.X.T. (D.S.T.) and that was incredible. Recordings of other cities' radio stations were a major source of info, and simply word of mouth from family and friends. There was a really good record store in Spokane at the time called “Strawberry Jams” and it was by far the best record store in Spokane at the time! They had every Hip-Hop record back then, including records I had never heard – I spent all my allowance money on records there! I don’t remember any magazines in the early days, but eventually came The Source, Vibe, and the lesser known The Bomb (from the Bay Area), and Canada’s PROP$ Magazine.

What makes Pacific Northwest rap unique?

I think what may make it unique is its distance and semi-seclusion from the other major cities, which allowed many different genres to influence the style of music. The early music, at least from Sir Mix-A-Lot, was heavily influenced by early electro. Some people described Mix-A-Lot as a blend between Newcleus and Egyptian Lover. Then, you had a group of people who were huge fans of East Coast music, so their sound seemed to be an adaptation of that style of Hip-Hop.

What equipment did you start DJing with?

The equipment I started out with was a make-shift set up of standard home and portable stereo equipment. I bought turntables from yard sales that I would modify. Some would skip, so I made some adjustments to where they were nearly impossible to make skip; I modified “line switches” with tape so I could just press a button instead of moving a fader (similar to the “Flash Former” that came out years later, which I eventually bought); I bought an echo chamber and a mixer from Radio Shack, I bought another mixer from a pawnshop. My step-brother, Stevie, had a portable radio (boombox) that was perfect for doing “pause” mixes. My boombox also had a keyboard on it. So all of my early mixes were made from this type of equipment.

How did Nasty Nes discover Sir Mix A Lot?

As far as I know – and Nes would be the better authority on this – but Nes was the radio “jock” and Mix was the “street jock” (quoting what Mix-A-Lot told me years ago), and they actually didn’t like each other. Eventually, they decided to hook up (probably not the correct term to use now, but back then that’s how we would say people decided to work together), and Nes started playing Mix-A-Lot on his radio show. I also remember something about Ed Locke convincing Nes to go with him to a place where Mix-A-Lot was performing, and I think Nes initially resisted but reluctantly agreed – good thing he did! Ultimately, the three of them formed NastyMix Records (the name was taken from “Nasty” Nes and Sir “Mix”-A-Lot), and that was the label that launched Mix-A-Lot’s career. Again, Nes can provide more complete info on this subject. I also know that they went to the same high school, but I don’t think they really knew each other then.


Why do you think Portland never really developed a rap scene?

Portland actually had a good Hip-Hop scene. The first rap artist from Portland that I remember was DJ Vitamix. Vitamix recently pointed out to me that he was the first white rapper ever signed to a major record label. I’m not sure why his music never blew up. It was really good music. I used to mix his records back then and people would always ask me who it was. Portland had a radio station called KBOO that played mixes. Not Hip-Hop – but influential, nonetheless – was the group Nu Shooz (“I Can’t Wait”). The later artists I remember coming out of Portland were Cool Nutz and another guy named Bosco (E-40 producer and inventer of the ElectroSpit ESX-1 mobilephone-enabled talk box). (Whoa, Bosco's from Portland? -ed.) There are several very talented Portland-based rappers out now. One thing I noticed was the Portland scene seemed to be a bit more unification and the idea of simply creating good music, whereas in other parts of the PNW back in the 80’s and 90’s there was a lot of back-biting and smack talk (not with everyone, but with some of the artists). Of course, I wasn’t from Portland and have limited experience with that scene, but that’s what it seemed like back then.

Who is an unsung hero of PNW rap?

Who is an unsung here of PNW rap? Overall, I would say DJ Nasty Nes. While he is not a rapper, his efforts and connections in the music industry outside of Seattle played a big part in the career of Sir Mix-A-Lot. But if you’re asking about rappers or maybe rappers who were underrated and not-so-well-known, I would say either EDawg or Wojack (formerly MC Deff from Criminal Nation). They were/are incredibly talented and original, but they didn’t achieve the ultimate success I think they should have. This is not to take away what they were able to accomplish, but I think they should have went multi-platinum. Personally, I think they still could.

Where did you see you first rap show and what was it?

Aside from the rappers I had seen at early breakdancing competitions, the first major rap concert I attended was the Spring Rap Fest in Seattle in 1987. Sir Mix-A-Lot opened the show, followed by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Kool Moe D, and then the 2 Live Crew (Grandmaster Flash was supposed to perform, but for whatever reason he didn’t). Nasty Nes was the host and this was the first time I actually saw him in person. This show had a major impact on me as a DJ because watching DJ Jazzy Jeff (and Mr.  Mixx) showed me how at that time I was nowhere near the level I should be as a DJ, but it was inspiring because it caused me to go home and practice! They were absolutely incredible on turntables and I am so thankful I was able to attend the show! Also, being able to see all of those artists perform was quite a treat because they were all great showmen, in their own right.

>>> 

Don't forget to check out Grandmixer GMS's show on DJ Nasty Nes' own Nightbeat, on Rainier Avenue Radio.

Q: Why do frogs love the xvideos homepage?

A: They're really into insects.

GOOD FOR THE GOOSE

Sorry for the bombardment of content as of late. Whether it's via my blog, my juggernaut podcast with Thomas or my regularly updated instagram account, I can't seem to stop sharing. But hey--that's what the internet's for, right? 

Here's what's new in my twisted world: 

I've been having a reoccurring (two times) nightmare about a mutant seal with no head. It can't do anything but thrash and flop, but still it terrifies me with its tortured desperation.

It's dark in this brain of mine, readers. Lynchian, almost. (Brotha Lynchian.) But when I share it with you, it takes a little bit of the darkness away, because now you have to deal with it, too.

Fortunately, my thoughts aren't all bad. Listen to this idea I had for an ashtray. It's just a regular ashtray, but along the side it says:  

"I'm dead without my coughing in the morning."

That's pretty funny, right? If you know anything about ceramics, hit me up.

IS THIS POEM BAD OR GREAT?

i feel hesitance
for the present tense
the past passed past
too fast
and the future
is a computer

DIAL B FOR BIRDER, EPISODE 7

You know how if you're really bad at hunting, you can go to one of those places where they just push a captive, tranquilized deer through a gate, right where your gun is aimed, and all you have to do is pull the trigger? You might've seen a King of the Hill episode about it once. Going to one of those places is the hunting equivilent of getting a hooker: it's frowned upon by the non-desperate, but sometimes you get so tired of nothing that your lust conquers your pride and you do it anyway.   

For episode 7 of DIAL B FOR BIRDER, Thomas and I decided to do the birding equivilent of that: we went birding at the bird store. The store was YOUR BASIC BIRD, in the Elmwood neighborhood of Berkeley, CA, and sure enough there were a ton of birds there. Red birds, green birds, white birds--the list could go on an on. They were all in cages, but that doesn't mean we didn't see em.

Satisfied, but somewhat guilty, we then decided to take a stroll around the serene, romantic Berkeley Marina...but I'm not going to tell you what we saw there, because I, like birds, am coy.  

Photos after the jump. 

   

"RAP MUSIC THAT I LIKE A LOT RIGHT NOW THAT JESSE WILL FEEL INDIFFERENT TOWARDS, PT. 3" BY THOMAS

Oh hi! How are things? I have a bunch of music to share with you, so let's get to it:

93 Feet of Smoke 

Oh man, I am VERY excited to talk about this guy! Easily one of my top 5 favorite artists out right now. 

This is the first song I ever heard by him and also a good jumping off point to see how much his music has evolved. The beat features a simple guitar loop over percussion that sounds like it's collapsing in on itself, but the real winner is the vocal effects, which sound completely bonkers. It sounds like he is buried in a coffin and yelling from a megaphone while also being waterboarded. 

My first impression of this song was "wow, bad mixing and mastering", but something about this one really gets under my skin, especially the bass guitar plucking @ around the 1:30 mark. What gets me is how the song builds from a simple guitar melody to a wall of noise and I LOVE how expressive his voice is, going from melancholy crooning to distorted screams. 93 has a level of musicality that is 10 steps above your average SoundCloud rapper with crushing drug problems.  

Wow I just realized there are like 6 more songs by this guy that I want to share, but let me just end it with this one for now. This is from his latest EP and the atmosphere of this beat is INSANE. If feels like you are bearing witness to the world ending in a very dramatic fashion. I also now know how to properly pronounce "Foyer", which is a big plus. All of his songs are about being a miserable piece of shit drug addict, so I really hope he is doing OK IRL.

Lil Narnia 

Lil Narnia is the answer to the question "how emo can emo rap go?" Turns out, very emo!

Oh man this song is an odd one and took me a long time to wrap my head around. The beat sounds like a downed power line; all jagged hi-hats with almost no low end. Listen for the bass in the beat, it's barely there! The guitars are dope, it sounds like a Deftones B-side that early 2000s teens would cry to. The fact that Lil Narnia looks like a craft beer and weed aficionado but has a high pitched emo voice will probably be the thing that sticks with most people and I too was definitely like 😮 when I first saw this. Major props to you if you can understand more than 20% of the lyrics. Embrace the unintelligibility as part of the aesthetic. 

The beat feels like an angel is playing a harp with a drum machine in the clouds for you (I am trying to avoid using the word "ethereal" lol). The chorus of this song is great: "thought we were humans/ but I was wrong/ things in pain is all we are" 😢 

A COUPLE LOOSIES

I get a strong New Wave/Post-punk vibe from this song and love how the drums don't come in until the 1:58 mark. Am I veering too far away from rap music at this point? As a former big time metalhead it was always a constant point of contention on the internet about what subgenre a particular artist fell under. Like there would be real human beings who liked death metal, but not black metal and vice versa and they would get in long-winded internet arguments about how their favorite bands should be classified. It feels like this is something people are taking less and less seriously these days and the idea of aligning your personal brand with one particular subgenre of music seems preposterous in 2019. Artists freely meld together whatever music they want nowadays and we are better off because of it. I feel kind of sorry for all the Punk Dads out there still stuck listening to the same 3 albums by the Vandals or whatever 😕

Let's finish with your regular reminder that Bladee is still the greatest rapper out of this niche of music. Again, the atmosphere is key; the downtrodden beat matches Bladee's emotionless autotuned voice perfectly. An essential track for all of the Doomers out there. 

OK I have many more songs to share with you, but I will save it for next time! Thank you for reading, friends. Have a nice time out there and stay safe 😊

Thomas is a blogger, birder and sad music enthusiast living in Oakland, CA. 

DIAL B FOR BIRDER, EPISODE 6

Yeah yeah yeah....hiatus sorry long time do better. What you have to understand, fans, is that it is VERY, VERY  COLD in my house. (If you think I can put off blogging or uploading a podcast for a long time, you should see how long I can put off insulating a floor. Especially when it's cold.) My feet are cold and my computer is cold and my typing fingers are cold, and that's my excuse.
For this episode of the podcast--"episode 6"--Thomas and I went to an east bay birding location selected by Thomas: "Martin Luther King Jr. Regional Shoreline." The whole 10 minute drive over, Thomas was going on and on about how dope it was gonna be, and how many birds he'd heard were there. "It will be like nothing you've ever seen before," he said at one point. The episode before this one, if you can remember that far back, was the "zero birds, and I get poison oak" episode, so I was really hoping we'd knock it out of the park this time, to get things back on track. 
Did we knock it out of the park? 
Will Thomas and I be podcasting more frequently in the future? 
Will there be photos from our expedition after the jump?
Listen right here, or on iTunes or Stitcher, to find out! Expedition photos after the jump. 

I GOT MY QUIZ RESULTS BACK, AND THEY DON'T LOOK GOOD

I took the "What Passion Of The Christ Character Are You?" quiz and got "Booing Villager."

I took the "What Cuss Word Are You?" quiz and got "Bitch-ass."

I took the "What Type Of Friend Are You?" quiz and got "Fat." 

I took the "What's Your Type?" quiz and got italic.

I took the "What Kind Of Owl Are You?" quiz and got "Spotted."
I took the "What Comic Strip Character Are You?" quiz and got fuckin' CATHY!!!! Shit!!!!!!!!!!