Tuesday, November 28, 2017


I did it, folks. I finally made it through all 9 and 1/2 hours of Claude Lanzmann’s landmark Holocaust documentary SHOAH. But somehow, I don’t feel as good as I thought I would.

Good wine, lively conversation, a home-cooked meal with friends...don't let these things distract you from winning at charades.

Which aspect of “The Big Rock Candy Mountain” is most appealing to you? For me, it’s gotta be that lake of stew. MMMMmm!!

Just wanted to remind everyone to step it up. Your Facebook updates aren’t very good!!!! In fact, if I was judging you by your Facebook posts, I would hate you. Your posts are 10 times worse than the worst book I’ve ever read. (This is mainly directed at Glasses Brandon.)

(To the tune of “One”)
♪ X is the sexiest letter in the alphabets /
 Q is not as hot as X, but in fact it looks a little more like sex.

My friend’s so into 90’s rap, he has a page-a-day PHARCYDE calendar!

(To the tune of “Cherry Pie”)
♪ Squeeze my hairy thighs / Full time squatter and this here’s why
Feels so good that I must describe /my sweet, hairy thighs

"Girls...they look like squirrels....they're always resting...on their laurels."
-JJ, last Freestyle Friday.

a WINDOW is the best painting, man. It's the best piece of artwork you could possibly have.

Nothing delights me
Quite like an iced tea
But I will settle
For tea from a kettle

On my list of favorite rappers, Fred Durst is dead first.

(To the tune of “Israelites”)
Get up in the morning, shake out his dreads, yeah
In de Camry, puts on Grateful Dead
Oh, oooooh, delivery guy

(To the tune of “Closing Time”)
  Smoking fine
It’s your choice to kill yourself but I won’t let you do it here
Smoking fine
Just be like the rest of us and live in fear
I know where I want for you to smoke
I know where I want for you to smoke
I know where I want for your to smoke, and not smoke

Happy TBT, fans! Here's an old flip phone picture of the time I met Anne Perry, aka Juliet Hulme of the Parker/Hulme murder case. You could've bludgeoned the sexual tension in the air with a brick!

"The key to a funny joke is the element of surprise."  

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