MORE JOKES I'VE BEEN DOING THAT NOBODY LIKES

Walking up to an attractive couple who are cuddling in the park, tapping the woman on the shoulder and saying “is this guy bothering you babe?”
Pretending I can’t figure out what my parents’ dogs want from me when they beg for food. (What’s that, Bella? You want to borrow $20? You want me to hand you a CD?)
Flipping off kids behind their parents’ backs, then telling the parent their kid just flipped me off. (Then flipping em off one last time, while they’re getting scolded.) 
“Let’s do one where we pretend I’m running away with your camera.” (When people ask me to take their picture.) 
Referring to Oakland as " 'land-town "
Telling the barber to "gimme the G.I. Jane."