Monday, June 29, 2020


JJ set off the smoke detector while he was cooking dinner, and it continued to beep at 30 second intervals after the main round of beeping stopped. I got up on a chair and fiddled around with it/pressed the one button a bunch of times but it would not stop. HOW COULD SOMETHING POSSIBLY BE DESIGNED THIS WAY?  I thought to myself. This thought is always the thought I think to myself right before I lose my mind. (Also, JJ was listening to that retarded, poorly-recorded conspiracy podcast he loves. I've been meaning to talk to him about this--who listens to podcasts out loud while there are other people in the room?--but I couldn't bring it up because I knew I'd get disproportionately angry.) Finally, I got the thing off the ceiling and took it to my room. It continued to beep every 30 seconds as I watched a series of youtube videos about smoke detectors, which all had agonizingly long intros, prompting me to plead/yell CUT TO THE CHASE, ASSHOLE at my phone, and writhe around in my comforter in fury. And really, I had a point. You know I'm watching your video in an exasperated state, with a beeping smoke detector in my hand. I yelled some more. Maybe Sober October is a factor. All along, though, I knew there was a "nuclear option" that would end these torments in a satisfactory way, and of course that's the option I wound up going with. I marched it down to the basement and smashed it with a giant ax.

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