Monday, June 29, 2020

A FUNNY OLD DIARY ENTRY


JJ set off the smoke detector while he was cooking dinner, and it continued to beep at 30 second intervals after the main round of beeping stopped. I got up on a chair and fiddled around with it/pressed the one button a bunch of times but it would not stop. HOW COULD SOMETHING POSSIBLY BE DESIGNED THIS WAY?  I thought to myself. This thought is always the thought I think to myself right before I lose my mind. (Also, JJ was listening to that retarded, poorly-recorded conspiracy podcast he loves. I've been meaning to talk to him about this--who listens to podcasts out loud while there are other people in the room?--but I couldn't bring it up because I knew I'd get disproportionately angry.) Finally, I got the thing off the ceiling and took it to my room. It continued to beep every 30 seconds as I watched a series of youtube videos about smoke detectors, which all had agonizingly long intros, prompting me to plead/yell CUT TO THE CHASE, ASSHOLE at my phone, and writhe around in my comforter in fury. And really, I had a point. You know I'm watching your video in an exasperated state, with a beeping smoke detector in my hand. I yelled some more. Maybe Sober October is a factor. All along, though, I knew there was a "nuclear option" that would end these torments in a satisfactory way, and of course that's the option I wound up going with. I marched it down to the basement and smashed it with a giant ax.

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