NEWS

-Boring Hat of the Month is back! Please follow me so I can amass more followers than my mom, who is currently beating me by one follower. (I could unfollow her to catch up, but she posts such good photos!) What gives, Ma? Don't you know you're not allowed to BEAT YOUR CHILDREN anymore??

-The Buies Creek Astros, a minor league baseball team from North Carolina, has rebranded themselves as the Fayettville Woodpeckers, in honor of a beloved local bird known as the red-cockaded woodpecker. The new name was elected by local residents, who said that they admired the woodpecker for its looks, tenacity, and baseball-esque affection for BORING. 

-Welcome back, Nyquil510! The gang from the Nyquil510.tumblr.com comment section missed you.

-What do you guys think about the movies and stuff that've been coming out? Here's what I think: SUSPIRIA (2018) is dope, Bud Smith's weekly column in The Nervous Breakdown is dope, and this "Letter of Recommendation" about Old English is dope. THE FAVOURITE (don't you just love leaning into that extra British syllable, when you say it out loud? I know I do!) is pretty dope, but the dopest Yorgos Lanthimos movie is THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER. BIRD BOX, surprisingly, had something to do with birds, but was BAD. THE PANTY SYMPHONIC is dope.

-No One Dies Forever HQ was attacked by a bear the other night! This is true. It knocked down the company trash can, ate some of our trash, and then ran off into the woods to take a shit. He never tried to attack us or anything, but my roommate was so freaked out by the experience he ran right upstairs to the gun vault and put all of our honey in it.

-Birders from all over the country have driving down--"flocking," you might even say--to Los Angeles to catch a glimpse of the red-flanked bluetail, an extremely rare siberian bird that has mysteriously taken up residence in a hedge near the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library of UCLA. When asked to comment, the birders told this reporter to "keep it down."